During a recent trip to Disneyland our oldest child JJ decided to claim that he was afraid of heights. I’m not sure where this came from or how he even at 4 knew what fear of heights meant but I immediately thought this was something he learned from either a t.v. show or a friend. Somehow our sweet boy learned a fear and decided to proclaim it like he actually felt that way. I say actually because it wasn’t like we were on a ride and he said “this is too scary” but rather just claimed, “I am afraid of heights”.
My “gentle parenting” heart & mind immediately started racing with the thoughts of how do I approach this. I thought the best approach would be to just ignore his “made-up” fear. As we got in line for a ride that he’d been previously requesting he immediately said, “I’m afraid of this ride mama and dad, it’s too high”. As we all boarded I thought he’d snap out of it and get excited but that didn’t happen. He demanded to go back to the exit and almost was in tears about riding. The rest of the family enjoyed the ride and JJ and dad sat back and watched. After the ride was over I went over to JJ actually kind of upset and asked him what his problem was. I also said that he was being ridiculous and that he needed to get on the ride because he is pretending to fear something that he actually isn’t afraid of. I am SO ashamed of how I handled myself with my boy! After I realized that I was probably doing more damage of being upset I chose patience. I chose to sit with him and ask him why he was scared. I chose to sit with him and show him the other children who were riding and how it was safe. I held his hand and told him that mama was here and that there was no need to be fearful. This is what I should’ve done from the beginning. I should’ve chose PATIENCE!
After our talk he looked up at me with his beautiful brown eyes and said, “Mama I’m ready to go on”. As we boarded the ride he asked me, “Mama is my seat belt on tight”? I double checked it for him and reassured him that he was safe, that his seat belt was tight and that mama was right here. As the ride took off he yelled at dad and said, “look at me dad, I’m not afraid!” What a moment!!! What a reminder!!!
My children teach me daily and remind me that patience is key. That talking to them like little humans, which is what they are is better than yelling. They also remind me that their little minds are capable of understanding and comprehension. I can only hope that next time my children need my guidance and comfort that I find the ability to choose patience. That I remember this moment and remind myself that they need their mama to be soft, to be understanding and to be exactly what they need and that is PATIENT.
After that particular ride JJ challenged himself. He chose to ride a few new rides, rides that were pretty “high” all while screaming, “I’m not afraid of heights, I’m a lion and I’m not afraid of anything!”
“In between every action and reaction, there is a space. Usually the space is extremely small because we react so quickly, but take notice of that space and expand it. Be aware in that space that you have a choice to make. You can choose how to respond, and choose wisely, because the next step you take will teach your child how to handle anger and could either strengthen or damage your relationship.”
― Rebecca Eanes, The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting
